Last night, Asianinny.com hired me to host their annual Lunar New Year Celebration. Lunar New Years is the most important holiday for all the Asian peoples. It is a time to forgive enemies and move forward. It is actually the one holiday Asians have off.

And this year it is coincidentally the year of the Tiger. China, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand and the Philippines are all begging Elin Nordegren to forgive Tiger. Damn.

Here we are post-show with the founders of Asianinny Diana Lee and Chris Nicodemo, owner of the venue Ed Bennett, and members from The Hsu-Nami band. The Taiwanese Erhu player Jack Hsu is the leader. And he is the most talented of the group as he was probably given music lessons since he was negative 3 years old. Tora Brava a Korean rocker chick also performed: The yellow Uma in red.

*Special = Jew

I am not a Jew but Jews consider me to be special.

I really hate it when people throw away a good piece of bud.

Last night, I flew down to North Carolina to perform at Brevard College. Brevard is a beautiful campus next to the Nantahala National Forest and half of these kids get to major in camping. No fair! They put me up in the official Brevard College Guest Cottage. It was the cutest little hotel. After the show, rather than going to the freshmen dormitories to steal a young coed’s virginity, I decided to stay in for once and rummage through old yearbooks from the 70’s. Below is a snapshot of one of the pages. A photo of the one male flautest sitting on a grassy knoll with the caption: “Harry blows away his troubles on a lazy afternoon.”

Meet Po Ku. She is living proof that my laugh is real. On December 18th, 2009, I brought my sister to the Manhattan Monologue Slam hosted by the Galinsky brothers at Bennett Media Studio. Po competed with 24 other actors in the 30 second monologue slam. Five performers were chosen by the judges and the audience voted for the best through applause. The December slam was judged by Broadway Producer Pat Addis, casting assistant Jodi Angstreich, Former CEO of VH1 Ed Bennett, and Culture Catch’s Dusty Wright.

Po won the audience choice award of the night. “The ones who write their own monologues always win. I mean I knew I made the top five!” she exclaimed. What a cocky bastard! She now gets to perform a 3 minute monologue on January 29th at the next slam. Below, a transcript of her winning and brilliant monologue:

What do you mean there’s no room in the inn?

Can’t you see I’m fucking pregnant?

Joseph! Do something!

A barn? You want me to give birth in a barn?

With all those dirty animals?

Jesus Christ…You are one unlucky bastard.

On New Year’s Eve, the Friars Club put on a comedy show for the Wounded Warrior Project in Brooklyn. We performed for select U.S. service members from across the country who had been injured coming home from Afghanistan and Iraq. One veteran with prosthetic legs came up to me after the show and remarked, “You were so funny, I laughed my legs off!” Ha ha ha ha!

We all piled into police escorted vans and drove through the city with sirens blaring to watch the ball drop in Times Square.  We ended the night eating good food, drinking, and dancing into the new year with fellow Friar comedians Tom Shillue, Bob Greenberg, Dave Konig, and Reese Waters.

Welcome to the new decade. By the time it’s over, minorities will outnumber white people 2 to 1.

On October 1st, 2009, I performed at the South Region NACA Showcase in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Here, college students get to jump around a conference and purchase entertainment for the school year. I shared a booth with Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell. This picture makes us look like a successful mail-order wife couple but I assure you that I am indeed not in need of a green card, people! So everybody just calm down. Across from our booth was a feisty fiddler from Tennessee Natalie Stovall. Watching her play made me get mad at my 3-year-old self that I ever quit the violin. Go see her. I am headed back to North Carolina later this week if anybody in NYC needs cigarettes…

On September 19th, 2009, I performed at the Air Tel Plaza Hotel in Van Nuys, CA with the Laugh Pack led by Bruce Fine. My name was listed on the drink menu as the “Esther Ku LOL Martini: coconut rum, dark rum, OJ, pineapple juice, and grenadine. Sweet and spunky just like Ku! Drinking these could cause extreme laughter!!!” My mom came to this show and got wasted. Afterwards, we sang karaoke and Bruce serenaded Mrs. Ku with his Bohemian Rhapsody version substituting “Mamma Oooh” with “Mamma Kuuuu”.

In October of 2009, I got to play an intern on an Office Depot commercial. There was one other Asian there but she was cast as the normal one.

I actually used to be a traveling pen sales representative.  My territory was the Northeast of the U.S. which includes Burlington, Vermont. I did that on purpose so I could sneak up to Montreal during the off season (approximately 11.8 months of the year) to ogle naked - albeit gay - boys at the male strip club on St. Catherine.

Here is our first pen training conference in Disney World. I’m the only one with mouse ears because I was always paranoid that the VP’s of the company would fire me for not being into pens enough. Just kidding! It was my first time to Disney World! I’m still trying to convince my parents to take us. Put in a good word for me. Those were the good ‘ole days. Company cars, expensive meals, free pens. I blame the stylus. The stylus has ruined the entire pen industry. Please stop!